A disagreement that I recently experienced is with my sister in law. I have always disapproved of her parenting styles, but I have never voiced my opinion. Well, while at a family gathering an incident occurred between my 4 year old nephew (her son) and my little cousin (5 or 6 years old). I really don't know all the details of the altercation, but was told my nephew said some curse words and smacked my little cousin in the face. I was approaching my nephew to discipline him, when my sister in law rushed up and grabbed him saying "his auntie not going to whoop him and he need his a** whooped". So she snatched him from my hand, slapped across the face while cursing at him. I was beyond upset and at this point and it was evident when I spoke. I harshly attacked her parenting skills, and let her know that her son is doing the only thing she has ever taught him. This turned into a big altercation, that led to other family members taking sides and at the end of it all the overall message was lost during the midst of the conflict.
With this situation I could have done a lot of things differently. For instance I could have controlled my emotions, and waited until I was calm enough to approach her. I should have also pulled her to the side and talked privately to her and not at her. However, the most important thing I think I should have done is to speak on the negative behaviors when I first noticed them instead of sweeping them under the rug and allowing tensions to build.
Nashika,
ReplyDeleteWOW,
I feel for you! As a parent I know that my first reactions is not always the best one, I try to make sure that when I disapline my children in public I draw as little attention as possible. That being said their is never a good or correct place and time to address abuse or neglect. Based on many family altercations in the past often simple saying how you feel will bring your peace of mind and let the other person they are being watched.
Thank you for sharing
This was a tough situation, especially because it involved family. I agree that it may have gone smoother without the emotion, however, you witnessed a child being slapped. Talking to her one-one one would probably yield better results, how ever, again. it was more than likely upsetting to see this. Once you are able to approach her again, I would apologize for coming at her in the heat of the moment. But, I would also make it clear in a very calm way that if you ever hear of or witness that behavior again, Children's Services will be called. This was a really tough situation!!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing! I agree, we all learn from mistakes that we have made during conflicts. It is so much easier to look back after the incident is over and critique what you should have done. It is so important to take time to breath and think about the situation before you act on it. I think we can all emphasize with your incident.
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